Telling the stories of the artefacts, Mi Yorkshire Shabti Bloke

During July-August 2012 Creative Future ran a course at Brighton Museum called ‘Museum Tales’. Run by Liz Bahs, a published poet, course participants, all marginalized writers, produced the following pieces inspired by the Museum’s collection. At the end of the course they performed their work in the Museum galleries. The course will run again in January 2013. For more information check their website.

Creative Future run the creative writing workshops in partnership with Brighton Museum and Art Gallery.

Museum Tales performance
Museum Tales performance

Mi Yorkshire Shabti Bloke

Mi arms are stiff by mi sides

Mi arms are choked

And its bloody ‘ot in this ‘ere oven

Back against the shelf

Like mi wedding night,

Same really.. eyes popping out like they’r on stalks,

And.. it int ‘alf dark,

Slowly turnin’ to a cinder, I am,

There’s bloody ‘undreds of us,

A right royal queen she must be,

“ Gee orr will ya”

“ Keep ya bloody feet t ya sen”

I wish mi legs were longer

And I ve give him such a kickin’

Eh, and mi what’s his name?

That actor all them wimin like?

Na is not time t’complain but

Mi tool is not the biggest’ ere I’ve noticed,

Ow!..Ufff! Ufffff!

This ‘ere ‘eat is blisterin’ mi arse,

Our Kelly ‘ad that ‘appen on sun bed,

She spent week covered in lotion,

Some of um ‘ere hav some right ideas,

Men wi eyeliner,

Fookin’ waste o’ timein ‘ere,

In this ‘eat,

I wonder nah..if I ‘ll git sum mash

When I’m thro wi this?

Not that gravelly grain stuff,

That’s for posh folks,

Anyways, how much longer ‘s this gunna tek?

Could’ve gotta season tickit ta see United,

Or ma missus could’ ve put her slap on,

Well, can’t be worse than livin at home,

“ Do this, Do that! Jump to it!”

That ‘ere Queen had better be a looker,

Ey up, door’s openin’ and mi leg’s not baked yet!

Ne’er mind.. off t’tomb of Queenie,

Me be get pensioned off,

Cos of mi leg,

Then can tek it easy at last!

Jo Tompkins

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